I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
where am i from again
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
