So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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