It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
