I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I think your dad took our porno
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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