I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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