So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
