Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
