I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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