Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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