he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Randomize