part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
