Nicole vs. Life
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I need a beard to bite.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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