what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
