You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
