I skipped work to stalk him.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
