I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
