Define "chronic" masturbator.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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