Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
