I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
