Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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