who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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