If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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