can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
there is glitter all over my balls
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
