i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
