She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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