I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Randomize
