I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
