I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
