yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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