I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
