I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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