how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
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