Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
