you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
