Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i just made my gag reflex go away.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
