Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
