I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
