Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
