I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
the liver wants what the liver wants
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
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