It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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