i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
