I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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