um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
