Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
