ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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