please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
