nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
