The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
someone owes me an orgasm
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
