sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I just forgot I was standing up.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
