My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
