you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
