And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
