Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I could fuck to npr.
Randomize
