so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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