Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
