i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
