rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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