don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
