1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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