I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
We left the knife in your bed.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
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