Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
