I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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