i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
