ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
