Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I love you.
Bad choice
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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