I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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