Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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