We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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