woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
