Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
