He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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