Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
