remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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