did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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