...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
