OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
he was CRYING into my vagina
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
