somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
