these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
